“Why am I not good enough?” you cry to yourself after a moment of defeat. Maybe you’ve had your heart broken, failed a test, or were rejected from something you really wanted. It’s so easy to second guess that you are good enough when all the signs seem to be telling you the opposite. But despite currently feeling like it’s you against the world, it’s important to remember that you are an essential part of this world. You play a role no one else can play. Every life event, good and bad, is shifting the whole world. And while it’d be amazing to experience sunshine and rainbows every day, it’s the rain and storms that shape us into becoming who we’re destined to be. So, let’s transition the conversation from why am I not good enough to ten reasons why you are good enough.
Why Am I Not Good Enough?
There are a few causes that make us think to ourselves, “why am I not good enough?” Let’s talk about that first.
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1. Our Thoughts
The most significant cause of wondering, ‘why am I not good enough?’ stems from our thinking. I know, our minds are so evil. How dare they make us feel so bad about ourselves to question our entire self-worth. There are two key thinking styles: optimistic and pessimistic. Both types of people might occasionally ask the question, ‘why am I not good enough?’ However, the reality is this line of thinking is more associated with pessimism. Pessimism can lead to depression, which is considered a thought disorder. The problem is that many people don’t take a negative thought and dispute it with something more realistic. Instead, they take the negative thought and magnify it, analyze it, and look at the worst-case scenario. It can get to the point where it feels like their life is falling apart. Looking at the worst-case scenario is called catastrophizing. To stop questioning yourself, you must dispute your thoughts as they arise. Think of several alternative pieces of evidence that show you that you are good enough.
Rejection comes in many forms. You can be rejected from a school you applied to, a date, or joining a team. And yup, rejection sucks. However, there are so many variables that cause rejection to take place. So, instead of thinking, ‘why am I not good enough,’ consider all the reasons why the rejection had to happen. Maybe the school you applied to had a cap on how many students they could accept, or there was one class that you didn’t take, which was critical to the acceptance. Maybe the date who rejected you was trying to prevent you from long-term pain because he or she saw that you two were incompatible but thought you were a cool person regardless. Maybe the team you applied for was looking for a skill you hadn’t yet developed. If you had asked them for feedback, they might give you some pointers so you can join the team next year.
3. Hurtful Words
Another reason that causes us to ask, why am I not good enough’ comes from the hurtful words we hear from others. Sometimes, parents say the wrong thing. They’re human, after all. And sometimes teachers tell you that you’re just not good at math instead of helping you get better. The people we see, work with, or learn from can sometimes say the wrong thing. And that wrong thing, especially if we’re pessimistic, get cycled into our heads to the point where it’s on repeat all day long. However, it doesn’t mean it’s true. You are good enough, and you keep getting better.
10 Reasons Why You Are Good Enough
1. You Decide How Good You Are
If you find yourself always wondering, ‘why am I not good enough?’ it’s important to remember that it’s you who decides how good you can be. You’re in full control of what you’re good at, how good you want to be, and what aspects of yourself you wish to improve about yourself. If someone dislikes something about you that you love about yourself, you don’t need to change. You simply need to find someone who also likes those aspects of yourself. If you flunked a test and now feel ashamed or disappointed, you can change your studying habits (a fixable problem) so that you perform better next time. You need to stop filling your mind with doubt. Otherwise, the feeling of “I’m not good enough” becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. But today, and right now, you can decide to help you feel and become good enough if you can even prove that you lack something in the first place.
2. You’re Rare
How could you ever think, “why am I not good enough?’ when you being here and alive right now makes you one of the rarest events to ever happen in the world. At one point, humans didn’t even exist in this world. And yet somehow despite all the miscarriages, wide-spread illnesses, wars, and asteroids that could’ve killed your ancestors, the universe conspired to ensure that everything you are, survived. You’re a miracle. There are billions of people who didn’t make it through, but you did. You’ve got a unique set of some of the strongest genes, a bunch of quirky traits, and the craziest opportunity to be alive today and now. If there weren’t a purpose or a need for you to survive all of the world catastrophes, you wouldn’t have. So, when you start second-guessing yourself, focus on how you can make the most of each moment while you’re here. You don’t need to know how to reinvent yourself, you’re already special.
3. You Are Good Enough: When You’re Outside Your Head
You are good enough. Don’t let those voices in your head tell you otherwise. I know they’re loud. They’re probably screaming at you right now so you can’t even focus. But you are not your thoughts. Your thoughts have a mind of their own. So, it might be a good idea to personify them. Think of the meanest person in history. Got it? Now every time your thoughts tell you something mean or spiral you out of control say ‘Stop that Devil’ replacing devil with the name of the person. By reminding yourself that your thoughts have a mind of their own and that you’re your own person, you realize that you are good enough, regardless of what your thoughts or anyone around you say. Live in the external world instead of the one lodged up in your brain. It’s a quick and easy way to feel better about yourself.
4. You Are Good Enough: Until You Stop Growing
The only time you stop being good enough is when you stop growing. Sorry to break this for all the older adults, but you’re not done growing yet either. Nice try. The fantastic thing about being a human is that you can learn– and that means learning from your mistakes too. You can spend a lifetime fine tweaking yourself to allow the real you to shine through. Sometimes, we’re afraid of letting our authentic selves out. I don’t blame you. If you’re thinking, “why am I not good enough?” you’re probably really scared that people will judge you if you showed them who you really are. Rejection is scary. But part of being human is growth. You need to slowly peel away your layers, though some may be damaged, to take part in life’s journey. The world needs the real you to keep growing, so you become the person you’re meant to be.
5. Look How Far You’ve Come
Have you ever stopped to think about how far you’ve come in life? You literally went from a tiny baby who depended on others to be fed, taken care of, changed, and dressed to a self-sufficient person. You don’t need to rely on anyone. You’ve got everything you need to take care of yourself, mentally and physically. The internet is filled with information in case you need some help filling in specific gaps. You’ve spent years of your life learning new skills, meeting different people, and pushing unexplored boundaries. And the crazy thing is that’s not even close to over yet. You’re going to keep doing some amazing things. You’ve been good enough to get to this point, and you’ll be even better to reach your next few milestones.
6. You Might Be On A Different Path
Sometimes, when we begin to ask ourselves, “why am I not good enough?” we fail to see the full picture. Your story is still unfolding. The future is still unknown. Yup, that can be scary if you think about it, so don’t. Focus on the present– always. But with every rejection, failure, setback, and wrong turn, we move towards our destiny. We can look at it as a glass half full or half empty opportunity. But you’d be surprised at how many people rejected and hurt me when I was younger. However, I eventually fell in love and got married despite all that. And when you look back in hindsight, you begin to see that things did work out for the best. Yup, even some of the most horrible moments that you thought you’d never recover from. You eventually will recover from it. If obstacles present themselves, jump over them or take a new path. You never know where you’ll end up.
7. You Have Skills No One Else Has
Each person in this world has an important role to play. We all contribute to the world in different ways. You’ve got a whole set of skills that someone else needs. Maybe you’re a talented artist who designs things people display to brighten their homes. Or perhaps you’re a great listener, so you help people by offering your support. You might be great at problem-solving, always offering the best solution to complex issues. Even if there were a thing or two that you aren’t the best at, there are countless other things you do better than anyone else. Don’t be afraid to do the thing that makes you shine, even if it seems a bit unconventional.
8. Some People Depend On You
The whole world is interconnected. We all rely on each other for something. People rely on farmers for food. Others rely on family for love. In times of need, we turn to friends for support. And if you’ve lived long enough to experience self-doubt, you’ve already had moments where you’ve helped, supported, and loved other people. You may have even helped a friend deal with loneliness. You are good enough to love, help, and listen. Throughout your life, you’ll experience moments where people will need you more than ever. Be there in those moments. Sometimes, you’ll be asked for a supportive hand, in tough times, give it everything you’ve got. You’re a critical part of the world. If you weren’t around, billions of events would change as a result. That’s how many little moments you have an impact on.
9. You’re Trying Your Best
On days where you can’t erase ‘why am I not good enough?’ from your memory, always remember that you’re trying your best. We spend our whole lives learning. And some lessons are learned a bit late, but they’re learned nonetheless. It’s important to note that it’s impossible to have the full picture. We only see fragments of situations. Usually, we only see moments that happen directly to us. We fail to see what led someone down a particular path. We don’t know what caused someone to make a specific decision. We’re missing so much information at all times. It’s not possible to always know someone’s intentions. You are good enough. And you’re doing the best you can with the information you’ve got. Don’t forget it.
10. You Didn’t Give Up
Life’s going to throw you some curveballs. You’re going to get suckerpunched. Other times, you’ll get knocked down to your knees. But it’s important to remember that with every knock out, you jump back up and try again. You might fail, mess up, and get rejected. But ultimately, you know that if you’re not good enough today, you’ll definitely be good enough tomorrow. Every day, you take on the day head-on and give it your best. You know that even though you constantly question if you’re good enough, that giving up isn’t in your nature. There’s always a solution to a problem. And even if you’re not quite sure of what your next move is yet, you know that you’re smart enough to figure it out.
It’s time to permanently delete that toxic ‘why am I not good enough?’ thought from your head. It’s time to say ‘yes, I am good enough.’ If you need to put some effort into getting better, great. Not being good enough is just a temporary state. You have full control over changing it. You want to get an A on that next test, you’re going to study harder and in new ways. You’re afraid of asking out your crush for fear of rejection, just remember that every rejection and failed relationship helps you better understand what makes an amazing relationship. Now, say this out loud, “I am good enough.” Yes, you are good enough. May you remember that for the rest of your life and start loving yourself.